|
|
March 09, 2008
♥ Questions
Do you believe in Jesus?
My answer readily pops in my head, No.
What/Who is Jesus?
?...my mind goes blank, I have no immediate answer. I must ponder this question. The obvious is to say is "He is our lord and savior, who reigns the earth with his strong almighty power."
...Besides the obvious, is there more to say? Nothing else comes to my heart and mind, therefore...I must not believe him yet.
Right now, I feel like as if I have no time for God. I'm feeling pressured and stressed from school since finals are a week away. At times like this am I suppose to depend on him? Isn't that selfish? I need his help because I need to focus my mind on studying.
Isn't that a selfish request? Do I have a distorted image of what a person is suppose to be who has faith in God? Or do I just take everything and place it unreasonably high where I can't reach it...unmotivated to reach it as I realize how high of a expectation it is.
I know I am a sinner. I have a lot of bad habits. And I feel like if I were to believe in God, I would have to be this perfect faithful christian. Even though people tell me I don't have to be, that no one is perfect except God, I can not get this notion out of my head.
One day I would feel strongly spiritual, then the next day I feel guilty for doing something bad...like...cursing people at the road for being slow, lol... - I would then start to withdraw myself from whatever that held me in that peaceful place I sometimes I find myself in my car, when I am listening to christian music. This cycle of coming and withdrawing just repeats itself.
Maybe my indecision is due to the fact that I do not want to give up my bad habits. That I am reluctant to change. But there in lies the problem. ..I need to change in order to believe in God. The way I think, how I live,...etc.
It is not as easy as you think...dang it. -__-
•
March 06, 2008
♥ Writing is good for you
"To heal our inner pain, we must feel each of the four primary aspects of emotional pain. They are: anger, sadness, fear, and regret."
"By expressing each of the four levels of emotional pain, our pain is released."
"Our negative emotional reactions are not real feelings, but defense mechanisms we unconsciously use to avoid our true feelings."
"Books can inspire you to love yourself more, but by listening to, writing out, or verbally expressing your feelings, you are actually doing it."
Writing, "is a safe way to express unresolved feelings, negative emotions, and wants without being judged or rejected."
Words by John Gray in the book "Men are from mars, women are from Venus."
Okay I guess I kind of already knew writing helps me vent and make me feel better, but reading it in a book, I feel much better cussing and venting out my "monster" feelings. Lol!
And I also understand and realize how helpful and HEALING it is, to write down all the emotions I am feeling.
Lately I have been feeling down in the dumps and am feeling resentful again. For a while I was doing fine…
Maybe all this stress about school …and not freaking doing my study! Is effecting me.
Hmm, I used a wrong word. I should have said I am feeling down in the dark well. Lol.John Grey’s book describes how a woman is like a wave. He says, "A woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom, it is a time for emotional housecleaning."
So you know how waves go up, and CRASHES down? A woman is happiest at the peak of her wave, when the wave starts descending down, she starts to feel "hopeless, thinking she is all alone or unsupported." Or insecure, overwhelmed, worried, confused, exhausted, resentful, and ecetera. And when the women has hit the bottom, or the dark well, she’s at her worst and all her suppressed feelings, or unresolved past feelings well come up.
So he says when a woman feels love, supported, or felt like she resolved her problems, her wave will start to ascend again. Since her wave is going up, she starts feel happy again until she reaches the peak. The cycle repeats. Lol, you want to know why women are moody? This explains a lot doesn’t it? :P
And guess what. Apparently this wave cycle, or in another word, MOODINESS, is NORMAL.
Absolutely normal and healthy [excluding extreme distress, traumatic events, or clinical depression]. :)
Doesn’t that make you feel better? I thought I was depressed and emotionally unstable. Lol
Waves and the dark well is so genius! There were times when I was extremely happy and then I would get irritable or just plain angry. I could especially relate the waves at work. First time, I was so happy! Then I started to feel depressed and resentful, and then I feel better.
I convinced myself that I had two face. One happy, one evil. I thought there was something wrong with me. I was beginning to think I was not a good person, a dishonest person, but nah, I was just going through a normal wave cycle. Lol :P
I feel much better when I have felt all my negative feelings, don’t you? This helps me with current emotions.
I think I have a good start in feeling my emotions…maybe…but I obviously still have issues from the past. Still need to work on that. But at the moment I can’t remember what my issue is. When I am angry, all these different issues come up. I remember them best when I’m feeling down or mad. But at the moment, I just want to go to bed.
Anywho, I need to set new goals. Forget due dates. Whatever happens, it will happen. [I’m talking about my shop and my attempt at keeping updates lol].
Next entry I will update my...so called life, and well also talk about a technique you can follow to help with your negative feelings. It is basically a how-to write, or a help/motivator, whatever you may call it, to write down your feelings.
John calls it the "Love Letter". ^__^
•
|
|
